August 16, 2010

if you can't say anything nice

During church yesterday my friend's husband was giving a sermon of sorts about gossip and the effect it has on the spirit of our homes. He brought up several good points but he said something that really made me stop and think. He mentioned that he and his wife have been working on the "gossip" or the "venting" that they do to each other about their children when they are in bed. He mentioned the "she was driving me crazy today" or the "I just can't stand it when _________" that they were saying and how they rationalized it because their children were in bed.
playing in grandmary's tupperware drawer.
His comments made me assess myself as a mother. William is still very small and does very little to bother me at this point so it's hard to imagine what nasty things I might say about him when he's two years old and drops my wedding ring down the toilet. However, I'm sure that horrible gossip will come spilling from my lips some day when I'm at my wits end and I'll be tempted to tell David about it. I'm only human and I make mistakes all the time.

But when those moments come I hope I remember how it feels to be at the receiving end of criticism and gossip. How wretched and unloved I feel when I hear someone say something unkind about me. I hope that before I open my mouth to speak about any of my children that I will envision how my words will make my sweet, innocent babies feel. I hope I remember to laugh about the small things, to brush up the pieces of broken glass from my favorite flower vase or wipe off the stains on my favorite dress. I hope I remember my childrens' feelings instead of how much I paid for the broken vintage figurine. And when their actions do call for discipline, I hope I remember that love is always the answer.

“Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.” David O. McKay

15 comments:

  1. Thank you for this beautiful post. I had never thought of child venting as gossip-how crazy is that? But you're right, it's the most potentially harmful gossip there could possibly be. Thank you for the reminder and the beautiful quote-I am passing it on :)

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  2. I agree with the above statement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts today - because it will help me re-assess what words *I* am using to discuss my own four children!!

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  3. What a beautiful, thought provoking post. It made me stop and think too. The quote at the end was the cherry on the top and if you don't mind, I'm going to borrow it too :) Thank you for sharing these thoughts xx

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  4. What a beautiful post and one I really need to be reminded of while raising three teenagers:)
    I love the quote by President McKay, thank you for sharing it:):)

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  5. What a thought-provoking post! I think that it's a tricky line, because clearly a basic way that people--couples, friends, coworkers--use to feel close to one another is gossip; it's been socially proven! I think it's okay if it's harmless, but you're right, it can become destructive!

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  6. such a great point. thank you for this. it really made me think as well about what I say and do.

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  7. I'm glad you reminded me of this. I think that's a wonderful point about gossiping about our own children... I didn't really think of it that way until you posted this. I would never want to hurt my children or grandchildren. I never ever remember my mother saying anything 'gossipy' about me and I felt I could always trust her love for me. I want to be better. Thanks!

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  8. Beautifully said! I never thought that venting about your own children is considered gossiping but it is I guess! I can't ever recall a time when my mom bad mouthed me! I will definitely make sure to be careful what I say! Gossip really does hurt.

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  9. I've never commented before although I've been reading for a few months now. Thanks for this post. I too have never thought of child-venting as gossip. My husband and I will definitely be discussing this tonight. Thanks!

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  10. Thanks for posting this. I needed to hear that. I never thought of it that way.

    I've been a reader for a little while. You have a lot of talent. I wish I could attempt to cook some of the things you do.

    Heather (Alexander)
    friend of some of your siblings. My parents are in Diane's ward. We know Alice, Peter, Debbie, & Diane. They all used to be in my ward at one point growing up.

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  11. Something to remember is that our children are people, just like you and me. They deserve to be respected. That is something I am always trying to remember with my children.

    Also, in my ward, someone mentioned something in RS that totally applies to this. Our children are our children, but they are Heavenly Father's children more than they are ours.

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  12. Great post, good (very good) advice!

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  13. Love it...I definitely want to apply it.

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  14. Beautifully written, Liz. It is such a privilege to have these sweet ones in our possession. Thanks for the sweet reminder.

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  15. Christian and I never speak bad about our children...not yet anyway, but I can't imagine doing that even when they are teenagers- usually we stay up late at night laughing at something they said.

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